heaven knows ...
2003-08-30 || 7:47 p.m.

And I thought I'd be okay. I went out today because going out takes my mind off things. And I'm sitting on the train coming home and I feel fine. Really fine. The places and people pass me by and I look at them as they get off the train and I want to cry for their beauty. I see people with funny walks and wearing clothes I would never choose in a million years and I think I've never seen anything so lovely in my life. And so I think I'm going to write an entry about clothes, as I sit there on the train. I'm listening to Bright Eyes. I'm listening to some of the most beautiful songs ever made and when he screams I could die on the spot and be happy forever.

My parents have a garden party tomorrow. And I'm thinking me and Bex, we're going to be the most fucking gorgeous people there. How stupid. How shallow. And so on the train on the way home I was thinking I would write what I am going to wear but it seems slightly silly now.

But I did want to write about my new bra. And I'll get to the point of this entry in a while.

My new bra. God. I just have to keep taking my clothes off and looking at myself in the mirror - I love it so much. It's just the nicest thing. It's probably highly unlikely, but anyone who's read me for a while or even been tempted to read archived entries, may recall my 'the dog ate my bra' entry. And then you may know how I feel about buying bras. And how I only buy black ones, and how I have to be in the right frame of mind and how I can spend so long looking.

And I'm keeping to the resolution I wrote about earlier.

But I'm tired and aching inside from losses and I want to be back on the train again watching people's lives pass me by.

And I'm off to be truthful somewhere else.