yet another entry
2003-08-30 || 10:16 p.m.

How many different ways are there to write this story?

I'm not sure I should bother anymore.

Not a day goes by where I don't cry and cry because I'm so fucking sad. Not a day goes by where my head doesn't hurt and my daughter doesn't scream at me how much she hates me. Not a day goes by where I'm not reminded of all my awful failings, where I don't look around me at utter chaos, where I don't go to bed alone, where I don't try to think of nothing at all because every single thought in my head just reminds me how alone I am.

Not a day goes by where I don't wish the stars would truly fall down upon me.

I don't know whether we have guardian angels, I believe we do. I sent mine away.

I truly wish I could bury myself under a deep, dark blanket of earth. I truly wish I could close my eyes and never wake up again. I truly wish I could close my eyes and want to open them again in the morning.

I just cannot keep telling this story, can I?

I don't mean to wind people up, this really is no fun for me either. I truly don't think I can bear it for much longer.