fear
2003-05-04 || 10:51 p.m.

I've an idea why it is I cannot read a book anymore. I don't like that characters have lives and remind me that I don't. I also have this total fear of reaching the end of the book because it will be finished and what will I do then? It just reinforces that my life is over. I really do need to ensure that I only ever observe from now on because I'm tired and hurting. I want to write about other things but I have never felt so damn tired in all my life. Its like everything that ever kept me going has gone. And its good that it's gone because its the answer to everyone's prayers.