one day
2003-04-20 || 11:13 p.m.

When I walk the dog is probably the best time there is. For a while I am nobody at all. Just a human form walking a dog. I feel nothing because I am nothing. I just hold the lead and walk, one foot in front of the other. Walk and walk and walk. And I wish it could be like that forever. Feeling nothing, being nothing, just a repetitious movement.

But then I return home and there is nothing quite so awful as standing in front of my house knowing that I have to get the key out of my pocket, open the door and become a person again. There is nothing so bad as that in the whole world because quite honestly the thought of being me and interacting with others in any way whatsoever makes me want to vomit.

One day I will not take that key out of my pocket.

One day I will not come back into my house full of stupid stuff that I think looks nice and pretty and makes me me. One day I will stop defining myself in any way whatsoever.