Calm, lasting beauty comes only in a dream
2003-04-14 || 10:38 a.m.

I hardly slept at all last night. Partly due to coughing and partly due to things on my mind.

I have made up my mind about a few things. There are some things at the moment that I wish I could have an affect on but I have to be patient and accept that at the moment things are as they are. Difficult is fine by me because I don't mind difficult, difficult means worth it.

So anyway, I made up my mind yesterday to do my MA. I started having a look at some possible courses. First of all I have to do a foundation module including a bit of research. Then I think I would like to do something on British Popular Culture of the 20thC. Its going to be hard. Very hard. I will have to keep working but I'm phoning for a prospectus today.

I'm thinking, you see, about trying to get a research studentship. I have the right degree classification but I do need the MA. Can you imagine? being paid to sit in a library and write essays! Heaven.

Of course the pay is crap and its not even called pay its called a 'living allowance'. I will actually be on half what I am on at the moment. Total poverty, but that's okay. I can cope with that. I just don't want poverty of the things that matter to me. Money doesn't matter to me. Not at all.

Libraries are the most wonderful places within which to dream.