fall on me
2003-04-14 || 1:06 p.m.

Sometimes I forget what the real realities are; they are always there in my head. Sometimes it takes something real to remind me that what I believe and know to be true is true. Sometimes I just doubt too much. Sometimes its hard to remember.

The real things are doing the right thing. Being able to live with yourself. No-one can tell me that the things I dream about aren't just as real as the physical waking world because I have no way of really, truly discerning the two. Any moment I could wake up and find all this is a dream too. I tend to believe that that is what will happen, one day.

Just like I believe time is layers and perceptions and visions, so I also believe perceptions come in layers too. Maybe that doesn't make any sense but I'm never really any good at explaining what I mean.

It doesn't stop me doubting though, feeling that maybe I am a fool. But then a piece of music will break through and remind me that there is something else, somewhere else and I get little glimpses of it every now and again.

And then I want to walk and walk and walk through green places. I just want simple things like water to drink and bread to eat and I just want someone to be happy with me too. And to be in tune.

But really I want to lay down and kiss the earth because it is so beautiful and I hate how we hurt it so and I do somehow believe we are all related and joined and if we hurt the earth we harm the psyche of humanity. I think there must be ways around this and ways to truly communicate.