I felt abandoned by you
2003-04-13 || 5:27 p.m.

I get it now.

The sun doesn't care when it rises everyday whether we are happy or not. The sun couldn't care less whether we are alive or dead. The universe couldn't care less whether I exist or not. The only thing that makes this hurt is me. If I am not here the sun will still rise, the moon will still glow silver, the flowers will still grow, people will still fall in love, babies will still cry, my existence is nothing. It will have no effect whatsoever on anyone or anything.

There's places I'd like to go but again I realise it matters not, because anything I do or anything I wish for is as nothing.

One day the things that belong to me will lie rotting on a dump, or sit still in a junk shop until someone else is attracted to them. The fact that I once owned them will mean nothing. And that's precisely the point. It is all nothing.

Nothing at all. Its only because we try to make it something that it hurts.