Sister Novacalis and the Order of Despero
2003-03-17 || 7:10 p.m.

I have been afflicted with modern day biblical plagues. This has caused me to reflect and decide to found my own order rather like the poor clare's. As you may note from the entry title I have picked my name - I feel it will suit me well. There are no particular rules to joining my order, merely that you must dress in black - I don't care what you wear, so long as its black and you must be truly lacking in hope. I decided upon the Latin touches hoping for an air of authority and authenticity.

So here, speaking in the guise of Sister Novacalis, I wish to commit to screen the truly amazing, god-like plagues that have called me to dedicate my life to despair. All I can hope is that there will turn out to be ten of them or I may very well be extremely embarrassed and have to close my own order down.

Plague No.1

An infestation of mice.

Plague No.2

Followed by that perennial favourite - the plague of flies.

Plague No.3

The dreaded and feared contamination of your house by Jeff Mangum and his fucking whiney voice. Enough to send anyone screaming to their maker.

Plague No.4

The abomination of your walkman headphones. Suddenly finding your headphones hanging open with their insides on display for all to see. You shove them back inside screw them back together only to find Nirvana now sound like they recruited Lonnie fucking Donnegan and are playing a paper and comb. Things are getting serious.

Plague No.5

The plague of the know-it-all teenage daughter, especially infectious when armed with a PC and the know how to use it to fuck with your head.

Plague No.6

Jesus, is that not enough plagues for now?

Until I find premises we will have to be a nomadic contemplative order. A sort of anti-polyphonic spree.

And to that non-believer who just tapped me on the shoulder and commented 'is this the moment when you find you're not as plagued as you want to be' I have only this to say: I want to leave the almighty plenty of space to fuck with my head further.