requiem
2003-03-09 || 6:57 p.m.

I would just like to walk and walk and not stop. The streets are comforting. The sky was beautifully clear tonight and there was a scattering of stars and I could clearly see Orion. I thought about Time Tangle. I don't know if I've written about that here or not. Yes, its yet another children's book. Beth Lorimer meets Adam at the old pavillion. She sings 'greensleeves 'and then notices his presence. She is wearing a big velvet cloak from the school play and doesn't notice, at first, his strange attire. He is 'looking for his hawk' - looking to find sympathetic catholics. He teaches her to read the stars so she can help him but it all goes wrong. It's a beautiful story. Probably I've mentioned it before.

And so the stars are beautiful and again I cry.

I keep wandering upstairs and just lying down on my bed for 'five minutes'. Rebecca will wake me later. I just want to sleep my life away.

Dreams versus Death.

I tossed a coin to decide.

Tails - stay alive despite dreams being all I will ever have.

Heads - find the courage for death. Get out that big fuck off blade from my bag. Stop being scared of it.

It was tails.

I debated best of three. But that would be cheating.

Damn.

But tails will not have its way forever.