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2003-02-10 || 6:23 p.m.

I want to make two very different entries today and I'm torn between them, so I'll just make both of them.

Here is entry number one:

I want a 1970's VW camper van, one of those ones with the concertina pull out roof. I want cupboards that lock inside and lots of hooks and places to put all the stuff. Like hooks for saucepans and lift up beds to store the pillows and bedding and clothes during the day. My one concession to the 21st century would be that I'd quite like it fitted with a CD player. Actually in fact I'd like it with a CD/tape/radio so I have lots of music choice as I travel. Then I'd like a travel companion. Someone kind and funny and easy going, laid back. In a perfect world they'd be male and in love with me. So I'll have that, in my stupid, perfect dreamworld. Then I'd like to drive for a few weeks in a beautiful place where it's warm and sunny during the day and rains just the right amount. I'd like to drive somewhere with lots of contrasts: ocean, lakes, towns, hills, mountains. I'd like just enough money to be comfortable, to cook our own food most nights and lay outside curled up in zipped together sleeping bags watching the stars.

Entry number two:

Too much criticism. Too much pain. Too much loss.