Suicide Watch II
2002-10-22 || 5:19 p.m.

haha, still feeling really bad. I remembered what I dreamt last night. I dreamt about two rabbits having sex! Now I know that dreaming about rabbits is supposed to be lucky. Mind you, I'm not sure that counts if you actually own rabbits because surely the chances are higher than you will dream about them at some time? Anyway, I don't know what dreaming about sex means, so I'm just going on google to find out. Back in a min.

Ok, here goes!

Rabbit

dream interpretation

meaning of dream

Rabbits are cuddly and cute. They are known for their quickness but not their keen perceptions or intelligence. In our dreams, rabbits can represent luck, quickness, fertility, pregnancy, or magic. However, they can also symbolize the dreamer's lack of consciousness or awareness. Rabbits as dream symbols might suggest to the dreamer that sometimes he reacts too quickly to life's situations and that more thought and planning may be needed.

Sex

dream interpretation

meaning of dream

It is very difficult to name just a few possible interpretations for this dream. It is so complex that interpretations vary with each dreamer and situation in the dream. A sexual dream may be about physical pleasure, but it may also be about power, control, manipulation, virility, and effectiveness. It may be a form of wish fulfillment or a memory, or compensation for a lack in daily life. In most cases, it is not a prediction of things to come in the near future. For some more clues, also see Intercourse and People.

So, I'm a bit thick, unaware, manipulative and lacking in contact of the sexual nature!

Now, did I really need a dream to tell me that?

What else was I going to write about today?

During assembly it was the fourth joyful mystery of the rosary. The presentation at the Temple. Marilyn was reading the story and into it came sacrificing doves and it made me think about something I read the other day about the three main religions (Judaism, Christianity and Islam) and how common to them is the fall of nature. But apparently this is not common in any other allegory or myth. And so I thought about how much better it would be to just worship nature.

So I thought maybe I would do that.

After all, you can see nature, its beauty and worth is evident.

I know that the whole point of faith is to believe in that which you cannot see and then I got to thinking about the 'outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace' which is what defines a sacrament and something I learned as a small child and I did make some other link but it totally escapes me now. It's a bit like one of those drunken things. When you are drunk you understand exactly how everything works and how the whole universe fits together and you promise you will remember it in the morning, but of course you don't.

And then the hymn we sang came from Jeremiah which is a book of the Bible that I very much like. It was the bit about 'before I was formed, you knew me'. I love that because it speaks of infinity, eternity and timelessness. But what does it actually mean?

I don't know.

There's lots of ways you could interpret it really. I would see it as always existing but it could be that it is the 'me' of all of us. It could also be that it means that as time is nothing I exist always and exist never.

I really don't know.

I also like Isaiah.

I like these because they are prophetic and to be prophetic means to deny time.

Oh, yeah, I remember now. The outward and inward thing. I thought about how we, as humans, may be the outward sign of the inward God.

That's all. Nothing important.

Then finally I thought about how I look and how I am. If I was walking down the street, you would not guess I write this diary. Not if I had never described myself, that is.

So this is what I look like:

I am small in height, about 5'4", I weigh not very much. I have no idea how much I weigh because I do not own any scales. I have long black hair, halfway down my back, pretty thick too. I have a figure that men look at. That's the best way I can think to describe it. Pale skin and dark brown eyes. I have a pierced nose, navel and lots of holes in my left ear. I always wear black eyeliner. I like to wear black boots. I never have a handbag. Always either a back pack or a fluffy big bag (black!). People describe me as piercing looking. I also look a bit like a trouble maker.

So there I was, thinking only about cooking yesterday and it made me laugh. I was thinking about my ideas for the Christmas play at school. Laura wanted to do Christmas around the world, so I suggested we could do it either like bedknobs and broomsticks or with a magic globe or maybe a tree, like the Hans Christian Anderson story and one of the tree ornaments could come to life (a bit like the Nutcracker) and take some children on a tour of other places. I said to the others at the meeting that I thought Christmas should be magical. Then I thought about how Christmas was for me and it was really good.

Bear with me on this one. I'm digressing terribly.

Anyway, I felt bad that I could really only remember the two toys I wanted that I did not get: A penny puppy walker doll and an oven that really cooked (!) and then I thought that sums me up really well. I am just maternal and housewifey.

But you would never guess it to look at me.

hahahah

And that dichotomy that is me, is why I want to die.

The anarchist housewife.

Ps Don't you just love Google? I've just been reading through the Sex dream interpretation. 'It may be a memory' !! Good one.