Love the planet
2002-02-17 || 11:23 a.m.

Another day, another bag of shite.

Its hard to know what to begin to talk about this morning. First of all I was going to write something about writing but I think I will leave that for another time. Then before 10.30 I managed to have an argument about gays which then degenerated into an argument about the origins of AIDS. I do hate bigotry. There's not much point in going into it here but I do seriously wonder if men who are so totally anti-gay are not using it as a smoke screen to cover their own latent homosexuality. Personally I would like nothing better than to fancy girls, it would make life a whole lot easier but it just aint gonna happen.

After that sunny start to the day I then had to ensure a lecture on all my personal failings which basically revolve around my inability to do housework properly. This got me thinking about the lino (as you do). I feel a bit guilty about my new lino. It was my Christmas present to myself. You see, the old lino in my kitchen had previously belonged to my parents. When I was pregnant and moved in here there were shitty carpet tiles in the kitchen. At the time I had a puppy who made quite of lot of mess and carpet tiles are just ... well ... messy. So I had my parents old yellow lino that had been sitting in the garden. At the end of last year I thought about it and thought, you know, I remember that lino from when I was a kid, it must be well over 20 years old. It was beginning to crack and it just looked horrible, so I treated myself to some new lino. So why do I feel guilty about my lino? Well I've hardly washed it since I had it. Its disgusting I know. Its just going to end up trashed and it will be my fault. I mean what harm's the lino ever done to anyone?

Trouble is, at the moment I just can't feel concerned enough to care.

The dog's just had his shreddies. What did I have? Chocolate biscuits - its no wonder I feel sick, I really must start eating properly. This is all part of what is wrong about the way I live my life. The worst thing is that I know better. I shouldn't be using so many packaged goods and leaving so much mess behind me. Where do I think it all goes? Well, I know where it goes - a landfill site where is turns into methane gas. I'm even getting really slack about my recycling these days. I used to feel really good about the fact I made an effort - I know its important. Now I can hardly be bothered and it all piles up in my garden.

If you could be a fly on my wall right now you would be appalled.