my tiny grain of rice baby
2006-05-11 || 11:51 a.m.

So here is what has been happening the last few days. My baby has died but my body took a while to catch onto that fact. I started miscarrying yesterday. Ridiculously I just feel so sorry for my stupid body which just tried to so hard to sustain the pregnancy, my placenta kept growing and my poor body did everything it could. But my tiny little grain of rice baby had already died. They showed me on the ultrasound at the hospital and once I knew I decided to miscarry naturally. Thankfully no-one tried to persuade me otherwise although it didn't stop them jabbing me with needles and taking upteen samples of blood. Apparently I 'look' anaemic. The nurse said she wanted to take blood to check my blood group and for anaemia. I said I could answer those questions anyway - blood group O and yes.

People have said I am being really brave but actually nothing could be further from the truth.

Well, I am taking my leave of the internet as from today. There is nothing more here for me to say or do.

Also, I am handing in my notice next week at work and moving far away from here. Literally as well as figuratively. I do not know what the future will hold as I will not have a job and I will have to sell my house but I hope I can get supply teaching work somewhere.

So, goodbye to everyone who maybe still reads this and I wish you all the most beautiful lives possible.