mary mary
2005-05-10 || 12:24 p.m.

Cool. I'm off sick which means I get to update my diary how fun!

Well, no, its not really is it. Its not fun for me and i doubt its fun for anyone else.

So my very groovy Top Shop belt is breaking. I'm slightly upset about that. Its damn hard finding decent looking non-leather products. You know, I'm sorry and no offence to anyone but I don't want to look like a member of the Vegan Ramblers Association. Nice as they all may be. If indeed they exist.

On Saturday I had a look to see if they had a likely belt replacement but they were all leather. Why is everything always leather?

So why am I here?

Well, I have tonsillitis, which is spelt with two 'll's' I have since found out. I'm also wheezing now. The doctor I saw at the hospital on Saturday seemed nice enough (for a doctor obviously) but maybe he really was trying to kill me.

I slept pretty badly and had lots of ideas for entries whilst trying to breathe, sipping water and trying to get those damn cubes out of my head.
DON'T PLAY CUBIS, TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.

But I'm feeling extremely contrary.

I started reading a book about OBE's but it was a bit new agey and annoying. When I read books like that, I begin to think its all a big pile of crap. Even though I know I've experienced it myself or seem to have. The memories are so long ago now but I know its not a case of remembering what I've been told like other things are because I very definitely did not tell anyone. Its only years on that I read things and think 'wow, that's exactly what happened to me'. The only difference being I remembered thinking I was making my body go fizzy and these new age books describe it as tingling or vibrations as you leave.

But then I don't want to believe it because I don't want to identify with the people who write these books which is mean and horrid of me.

But I'm afraid that's what I often am. Mean, horrid, disagreeable and contrary.

And so when I say leave me alone I mean come closer. When I say I'm happy to devote myself to the service and happiness of others I mean make me feel wanted, loved and indulged. And when I say I'm mean, horrid, disagreeable and contrary I just want someone to say the complete opposite.