i think i'm dumb
2003-11-07 || 6:37 p.m.

There's so many things I want to say and so many things I wonder about.

I wonder why the school and governors and parents were so awful to Val when she got MS. Why was it not that their only concern was caring about her health and how she was? How can they live with themselves?

I wonder why Jane is inviting everyone to the winey whinge club in front of me. And yet I keep being nice and opening doors and saying hello and asking how her day has been. Why does she not like me? Helen said it's because she is scared I will put a spell on her. I said much more of this and I will.

I wonder why my house is flooding and dirty and mank and my dog is a psycho and Bex is crying all the time and angry with me and why Alain bought an X-Box but won't give me any maintenance at all, ever.

I wonder why my animals keep dying.

I wonder why people I care about desert me. Yes, I really wonder about that one.

But most of all when I was on my way home tonight in the pale winter dusk, with the full moon hanging above me like a big paper lantern, I wondered how many millions of other people had stood and looked at it and wondered the same things too.