the day has just begun, and I'm already bored
2003-09-06 || 9:37 a.m.

It's funny how your mind plays tricks on you.

For the second morning in a row I woke up with a headache. But you know, last night I vividly remember taking the paracetemol up to bed with me for that very event. So I woke up and looked on my bedside cool box - and they were not there. They were still downstairs in the cupboard. How can I remember doing something that I didn't do? I mean I can picture them on the bed next to my brush and mobile phone last night. Which makes me think that everything I think may be false.

I get so confused.

Sometimes it's like my thoughts pile up on top of me like the mattresses under the princess and the pea. But you see I'm not the princess, I'm just the tiny little irritating pea.

I keep wondering if eternity just means this moment, because how can you measure this moment? And if all I have is this moment - and really its the only thing I can be sure of - how do I know anything else exists at all? And so how do I have what seems like a whole lifetime's memories of events. How can I be sure any of it happened? Maybe it is all a story I just made up this moment.

And so I could ask someone else who was there. But how do I know they are real? How do I know I didn't make them up too, just at this moment?

So you see how confusing it all is.

And here is a list of all the things I have to do today:

Wash up
Clean the bathroom.
Clean the kitchen.
Clean the front room.
Pick up all Bex's clothes and assorted stuff and put where it should go.
Do the washing.
Clean the three bedrooms.
Make and eat breakfast and lunch and dinner.
Get dressed (optional).
Pick up dog poo from outside.
Clean out two rabbits and one guinea pig (and go to the pet shop beforehand to buy all the stuff, carrying straw, hay, 2 lots of food and sawdust with only the regulation two human hands).
Walk the dog (twice).
Deal with two weeks' worth of post.
Do my accounts.
Phone up for more phone credit.
Go down the town to buy a file for work, dividers, poetry book, shampoo, toothpaste.
Try not to mind about not having anything to play my CD's on.
Summon up the courage to ask Alain for some maintenance.
Cry.
Go and visit Helen in Chislehurst which means a train and a bus.
Not mind about being lonely.

Better get started then.