black beasts
2003-08-06 || 1:03 p.m.

Maybe I should do some more cleaning.

This depression just came upon me right suddenly. No warning. Nothing. If I had any feelings I'd care.

So I've been connecting and disconnecting this computer because it drives me insane. I look at the words and they jump around and don't make sense and I think there are words missing so I read them slowly and they seem fine but still they make no sense.

And I'm so tired of wondering what the point is, and so tired of trying not to mind that there might be no point at all. And I feel so sick that I am pointless.

And I have this panic in my chest that won't go away.

And if I had a heart I'd say it was sad and broken, but of course everyone knows I don't have one. Not at all.

And so I have a dislocation between all the different parts that usually go together to make you a human. And everyone can sense my true worth of nothing at all.