and one by one I drowned all of the people I had been
2003-01-26 || 4:39 p.m.

I'm scared it could be all nearly over. I don't want to write things like this down in case I bring it into being.

I look in the mirror and I see no-one. Just someone looking back at me. But there is no substance. I try to see a future but it is equally elusive.

I feel I am the opposite of enlightened. I feel very lowly. Very low down on any sort of spiritual evolutionary scale. I feel that my brooding on things like this is an example of my unenlightened status.

But mostly I feel scared that things may end. I look back and I can't see any loose ends or any new chapters. Everything is resolved or finished and so, is it time for me to go?