I'm not sure if I am alive
2003-01-25 || 7:42 p.m.

It builds up and it builds up and it builds up and then I have such a need to hurt.

There are so many things I need. None of which I will ever have.

I need to be held. I want to have sex. I want to find a man who wants and needs the same things I do.

I feel like the tide came in over my mind and washed it away like grains of sand.

I wonder now if anything is real. Do I just 'remember' things that are archetypal memories? I'm feeling more and more as if that is the case.

I am so unhappy.

I am permanently on the edge of tears. I just so want to be held again before I get much older. I like the way I look now.

I feel so sad, so pathetic and so alone.