my whole existence is for my amusement
2003-01-19 || 2:37 p.m.

I've got to work on a way of solving this. There are some things I know.

But, you know, I can't even type without having to correct stacks of stuff because I am just so inept.

Everything about me is fucked.

I can't live for one other person. I need to live for myself. Otherwise its just agony.

It's just that it's a dilemma isn't it? Like everything: I die, most people won't notice. Some will notice, feel a bit sad but soon forget. A very, very small handful, really two people will notice and be sad, one of these will probably be sad all their life.

If I live, I will be sad all my life.

So, let's conclude:

One person sad all their life if I die.

Me, sad all my life if I live.

I don't matter. The opening statement in this premise confirms that. Therefore my sadness doesn't matter.

It follows, therefore, that I have no choice but to live.

And I have no right to claim any element of happiness within that existence.