so he said let's run and we'll have some fun now before I melt away
2002-12-04 || 8:41 p.m.

Oh dear. I feel wrecked. Really, bad. Its hard to explain. Its not a physical thing. Its like this total mental hurt. It hurts to the point where I just can't think of any way to stop it. I just want to hurt myself so bad and I'm just fighting it so much at the moment because I know its destructive but the trouble is I don't care because it just doesn't matter. Nothing matters. I can't feel anything at all. I feel like I have no feelings.

We had Christmas production rehearsal all afternoon at school today. One of the carols they had to sing was 'Once in Royal David's City'. I really, REALLY hate that carol. Its that bit where it says, 'Christian children all must be, mild, obedient, good as he'. It just sounds so sappy and unappealing. 'Mild'? who wants to be mild? Anyway, it was followed immediately by 'Frosty the Snowman'. 'That's more like it I thought' and I looked at the words. Well, all I can say is Frosty seems a far more appealing mythical character than Jesus. In fact, I then began to think that actually they were one and same. Frosty appears suddenly one day, charms the children, opposes authority, has a brief life, and promises to return again sometime.

All I can say is that, seriously, I really suddenly thought, with total conviction that Jesus and Christianity is about the same as worshipping a cartoon character. And quite frankly I'd rather worship at the Church of Frosty.