My Demons and Dragons
2002-11-25 || 5:39 p.m.

I tried to explain to my children today why I was going on strike tomorrow; they seemed genuinely interested but then they just all started talking over me and I gave up. I suppose a day off is a day off to them, so that's all well and good.

So how did I solve my 'no planning work' dilemma? Simple. I found last year's plans, tippexed out the date, wrote in a new date and photocopied them and handed them into Maria. Am I worried she'll cotton on? Not really. I can only be caught if she reads them, comes into my room, questions my children, checks my books and after all, let's face it, she's not actually all that bright really.

Haha that could be famous last words.

She's not talking to me either. I have absolutely no idea why. It could be that Rebecca dropped the door on her face on Friday but if it is that, then hell she's fucking childish. I should just laugh at her but quite frankly I feel pretty fragile at the moment and people blanking me just confirms all my thoughts about myself. Even people like Maria.

My literacy lesson was good this morning. There's certainly something to be said for this improvising lark. We were reading an extract from a book and it was about two tribes and one boy said something like 'he did not speak my language but it was similar and so I could understand him'. And I tried to explain it by saying its a bit like Italian and Latin and then some bright spark called out 'or like English and American' and I said 'yes, exactly'. Which then gave me a much better idea for work than we were going to do and we started our own 'British/American' dictionary on the flip chart. Of course they got all the food ones pretty quickly: chips/fries, crisps/chips, biscuits/cookies etc then someone said jam/jelly, which was one I hadn't thought about so I advised them not to put jelly on toast for any American visitors, which made them laugh.

So that was fun.

We spent the whole afternoon making switches for torch circuits. Kind of makes me laugh that I'm such a fucking useful kind of person. My helper was saying about girls' jobs and boys' jobs and how she would get her husband to do this sort of stuff so I had my usual fucking stupid butt in head on and said 'of course, we are all humans and can all do any of these jobs, there is no such thing as girls/boys jobs'. I dunno, I just don't like these gender stereotypes. But of course its because I'm like this that men won't come near me anyway. Fuck it, I can be as girly as the rest but I can also do it for myself too which is what fucks many a man off.

Its ok, I know you are not all like that. Really I do.

So here I go ranting again. Blimey.

How are my arms? Hurting but ok. I feel a lot better now. It sort of eases the tension. But I'm sure you don't want to hear this self-indulgent twattiness.

I have one of those ink stamps on the back of my hand, the sort you get in a club or put into a book saying 'well done' or 'good try'. I have no idea how I got it at all. I don't even own any ink stamps. I've been trying to work out what it is, but the closest I can get is some sort of mutant squirrel.

I did wonder if the strange and odd events of the last week are the heavens raging against me. I did something a bit stupid a few months ago. I was reading this Wiccan book of Bex's and I thought I'd cast a spell. I avoided all the obvious things you should not do, took heed of the 'get it back threefold' law and made an agreement with the goddess to do something in return but I've not been brilliant at doing it every day. I wonder if she got annoyed with me? But then again, having said that, would an eternal, infinite power really want to get revenge on me?

I don't know. I'm damned anyway so who cares.

I haven't forgotten about my journey either, I just have to take a break from it for a few days because its scaring some people. I certainly don't mean to scare anyone.

I did wonder if I do nothing for the next six months, I mean nothing at all except for work which I have to do, will anything happen to me? Anything I would think of as positive? Maybe I will give that a try. The problem is, at my age, 6 months is 6 months and I'm only getting older and to be honest (and this is really terrible) I don't like getting older, I really fucking hate it. I'm so glad that people think I am Rebecca's big sister, it appeals to my vanity. One of her friends fancies me because the first time he saw me he thought I was her older sister. I may wake up one day and suddenly look old and how will I feel then?

As I was sitting taking the money at the book fair after school, George said to me 'miss why is that woman on that picture looking at the dragon as if she loves him?'. I looked at the illustration he was speaking of and made up a story about the wicked St George and the brave valiant dragon and how the dragon slew the evil St. George and the woman was saying 'dragon, my hero etc etc' and George looked at me dumbfounded and said 'God, and I thought only children had good imaginations!'

And when I got home Rebecca said 'well, it is a Catholic school, you telling them the saints are evil, and you wonder why Maria is not talking to you!'