The Journey - Part IV
2002-11-22 || 8:29 p.m.

I said I'd describe it all for you, leave nothing out.

Inside is pain so deep and dark. It feels like when you are smoking a cigarette and you chip it out. You know, you're at school, some teacher comes along you chip the end off and stick it in your pocket. A while later you remember you have it. You're desperate for a smoke, you light it up and inhale deeply, just like you would on a fresh out of the packet cigarette. The rush hits your throat and lungs like a sledge hammer. It burns and tastes so very, very bitter. After that first lug, the rest of the cigarette is not so strong, but its still stronger than a normal one.

You know, I don't want to go down the 'pain like cancer' route. It seems somewhat despicable and insulting to those who are ill.

but the pain I feel inside is so deep and so dark and so fucking endless that I cannot believe anyone thought I needed further corroboration.

So now I need to take charge of this pain for myself. I have to inflict more to take away that which I am not in control of.

Just taking a little break. Be back soon.