spiralling out of control
2002-11-19 || 7:30 a.m.

Last night I left my body. I thought it was a dream when I woke up but as I was washing I saw this tiny little blemish under my eye, hardly anything, just a very small, almost indiscernible spot and I remembered looking at it from above myself last night.

It is the sheer physical and emotional tiredness of nothingness that causes this.

Sometimes I just need not to be in this body.

Always I just need not to be me.

Once I cut myself for a reason other than myself. It was sensual and never to be repeated.

Now I cut myself to remind myself that destruction will never be complete.

But I thank those of you who are helping.

Now I go to walk the dog.

NO-ONE WOULD EVER GUESS FROM THE OUTSIDE JUST HOW i FEEL ON THE INSIDE.