Dark and light
2002-11-10 || 8:23 p.m.

Once, when I died I spun out of my body as a golden sphere of light. I spun backwards, anti-clockwise. I've no idea if those details are important. I was able to hover above my death scene, watching what was still going on below. I was totally dispassionate, as if I had never been that person.

Last night I had a dream. I woke up halfway through it. I was sad that I had been disturbed. I lay still in bed and carried on the dream in my head. I wanted desperately to get back to it, but I knew that I wouldn't because, after all, that never happens does it? When I woke up again, I found that my dream had carried on. It was as if I had filled in the middle and then in my dreaming state I continued from that imagined point.

My dream was full of desire, longings, wishes. It was a combination of physical and emotional. It was all that I would ever want.

I finished reading a book today. It spoke of eternity. Of all things as one. Of true destiny.

I want to combine all three of these things.

i sat in the bathroom. I wanted to go outside. I wanted to sit and look up at the stars because by looking at the sky I just get that feeling of oneness. As I sat in the bathroom I closed my eyes and I could see a dark room lit with candles.

I wanted to know how I feel so much not part of this oneness.

I suddenly wondered if belief/faith is the key. If I had faith in my dreams, would they come true?

But how do you have faith?

That is the thing.