I especially am slow
2002-11-09 || 6:26 p.m.

I didn't really want to write another entry today because I quite liked my last entry but I just have to write something down.

I feel absolutely and utterly empty inside. I feel nothing. Nothing at all.

The repercussions of me existing just continue to reverberate around. Any of you can think what you want of me, you will never hate me so much as I hate myself.

Even if my existence is less than the flap of a butterfly wing, it is still too much, too long and too awful.

When I feel like this, everything feels squashed and flat. My mind feels immense pressure - not my brain, my mind. I just don't feel real. I feel dislocated, suspended, inside something stopping me from being real.

I know you will tell me or think, 'well there's medication you can get for that' and you may well be right, but maybe, just maybe, I should not have medication. Maybe it is right I be reminded of my non-person status. I cannot begin to imagine what my place in the universe is, my mind is SO fucked.