Tank tops and music
2002-10-21 || 5:26 p.m.

I am very happy that Rebecca is loved by others like I love her.

She just received the best parcel through the post from Arajane today. It contained a sweater vest (or tank top as we call them in the UK) and a CD. How lovely. Rebecca is very excited. It has made her very happy.

I am well happy that others can see how beautiful Rebecca is, because she is.

My kids must know me pretty well now. I could see they were working on a picture for me because four girls were all in a huddle around something. Then one of them came over to me and said 'Miss, what's your favourite colour except for black!"

These things make me happy on the surface.

Deep inside I am anything but.

I have a new ambition. It is just to think of others (especially Rebecca), work and then die.

I am sorry that this diary has so much of my turmoil crap in it, but quite honestly I spend my days showing a totally different side to the world. I need somewhere to write it down. I am not about to start sharing how empty and bleak I am with the people around me. People think I am fine. The adjective most generally used to describe me is 'strong'. Haha bet you thought I was going to say 'bubbly' didn't you?!

No chance of that.

Anyway, I am happy for Rebecca. And that is good enough for me now. I have finally come to terms with my status as a non-person. I will never cry or want again.

Thank you Arajane. You are very sweet.