There is a dream in my brain that just won't go away
2002-09-03 || 12:49 p.m.

what shall I write about you? I could write about how odd it is that you suddenly came into my life because no-one ever does. Why did you do that? Did you not guess I was anathema? But really I think I should write about the effect you are having on me and the stupidity of it all and how fucking ironic it is that I should be falling in love with someone I can never, ever be with. The things you say to me are so sweet and that one particularly unrealistic night we spent together would have been the best night ever.

Today I will feel as if my heart is breaking and then life will continue as normal.

I want to captivate and bewitch you. I want to say these things to you but I have absolutely no right whatsoever.

And even though my heart may be broken, even though I will never be with you, even though someone else will be the most important person in your life I would rather have had these few insubstantial and lost weeks than never have known you at all.

And then I remember I must think of you too and its not just me that is here and I know I must trust what you say to me.

And although uncomfortable, that is what I really want to write today. And so I will.