used as a polite or ironic form of address
2002-08-12 || 9:39 a.m.

You know, sometimes I amaze even myself at the amount of total gobshite that I talk.

I've been thinking about all this 'woe is me' stuff and I am just SO arrogant its untrue. What gives me the right to assume that I am the only one who feels the way I do? Of course there must be others who feel the same, the fact is, for some strange reason, I just don't know them. Doesn't mean they don't exist tho.

Anyway, there are people closer to home who do feel the same way as me.

A few years ago - I can't remember if it was 1998 or 1999 I took Rebecca on her first demo. It was the Jubilee 2000 demo in favour of dropping third world debt for the new millenium. It was a good day. I saw Sylvia and Ron and Nicholas and Sarah up in Trafalgar Square - just bumped into them. Trouble is, I can't remember which year Nicholas died so I can't remember when it was. I've been racking my brains trying to work it out but I just can't. Anyway, it was a cool day. There were lots of people there, no trouble, lots of fun. I got given a 'Drop the Debt' banner by the Socialist Worker Party so I carried that. Rebecca took a friend with her. I think her friend found it all a bit frightening so we brought her home early. When I got home I put my banner in my front window. The very next day there was a knock at my door and this old guy was standing there. I'd seen him around, riding a pushbike. Anyway, he knocked because of my poster. Seems he was something of an activist. We got talking and we agreed on many, many things. I often see him now and we always have long political chats. The silly thing is that its been going on for so long now that I don't know his name and I don't like to ask. You know how it is. You've been talking to someone for ages, they seem to know your name and you feel sure they must have told you theirs - but you just don't know what it is. I don't want to make him feel unimportant by revealing that I can't remember his name. I feel like that with the kids at school too. I hate not knowing the names of kids in other classes because names are personal and when you are young you have a strong sense of individuality and you truly are the centre of your universe, you haven't begun to be let down or disillusioned. At least you shouldn't have been. Anyway, I saw him on Saturday evening when I was walking the dog. He told me there is a demo in London on September 28th against military attacks on Iraq. He said he will give me details nearer the time.

I like having friends of all different ages. The way I see it; if you are alive at the same time then there isn't an age gap. The chances of you being alive at the same time as someone else you get on with are remote enough as it is without worrying about age.

Another one of my friends is a guy named Derek. He lives in a residential care home but he is 'allowed' to go to the town during the day. Derek has what you might term 'special needs' and he has a speech problem. If I am with someone else when Derek stops to talk to me, people look at me strangely. They cannot understand that I can understand what he is saying but it's really not that hard. All you have to do is listen. People just don't listen to others, you just have to open your ears a bit. Me and Derek don't really have a conversation, we just have a routine. He will ask me the time and I will say I don't know. He will then ask me a school related question such as 'when do the kids go back'. He will then ask me about my dog. We always finish with him asking me about my son. Now I don't have a son but Derek is convinced I do. For many months I kept trying to explain this to him but in the end I got to thinking that maybe I was doing the wrong thing. So now I just make something up about what my 'son' is doing. I give him birthdays. Me and Rebecca joke that one day Derek will report me for child neglect. Derek doesn't know how to say goodbye so he just walks off. Jolly sensible if you ask me.

My strange friendships annoy some people. There was a man who used to stand next to me at the bus stop and he just used to stroke my hair. I used to quite like it. I have no clue if this is right or wrong. Plus it didn't help that I didn't know how to ask him to stop without upsetting him!

I call these people 'friends' but I don't suppose they really are. They are just people I know but I sort of think that if I know someone then that makes them a friend. But what is a friend? I suppose a friend is someone who you can go to when you are in need, whatever it is you need. In that case I probably don't actually have any friends. I wonder what it says in the dictionary.

Here it is:

a person with whom one enjoys mutual affection and regard (usually exclusive of sexual or family bonds)

Ha! so you can't be friends with your partner or family. That's a cool definition.

or:

a person who is not an enemy or who is on the same side

Oh God! then I truly don't have any friends.

ooh, maybe I have LOTS of friends:

a person known by sight

Well, this definition thing is good isn't it. You know, that's what I like best about language. The common perception is that language labels and explains but in reality language enables nothing to be pinned down and everything to be made into something else.