The earth does not belong to us, we belong to the earth
2002-06-28 || 7:21 p.m.

I've got 32 school reports to write this weekend. 32 reports on English. 32 on Maths. 32 on Science. 32 on ICT. 32 on RE and 32 on the other subjects (combined), 32 comments generally. Sound like fun?

I feel so depressed I don't even want my curry. I have this horrible burning feeling in my chest. I have to go out later because its Cathy's birthday on Monday and she is going for a drink tonight. I'm such a nasty person that usually I just make up excuses not to go to things.

Annemarie is not talking to me because it was her leaving drink last night and I didn't go. I was too tired. I had no-one to look after Rebecca. The drink was in the sports bar at Bluewater and there is no way I could take a kid with me there. I sort of try to explain these things to people but they don't really understand. That, and the fact that I just don't have any money. I dunno, maybe all this is just excuses. Maybe I'm just a horrible person after all. Probably I am.

One good thing tho'. Rebecca has gone to a youth club tonight. She's made a friend who actually lives near us and they've gone together. I'm glad she's gone out. The one thing I really don't want is Rebecca to turn out anything like me. I want her to have a life and to have fun. I know she's not really a 'having fun type of person' but I want her to be happy.

My class did their assembly today. I thought they worked really hard seeing as I was only in for two days again this week. What feedback did I get? It wasn't 'Christian enough'. I did a lovely tableaux set around the speech of Chief Seattle about looking after the land and remembering that the earth does not belong to us, we belong to the earth - and its 'not christian enough'.

Sorry.

Of course when I was being criticised for not saying a prayer at the end what I should have said was, 'the whole assembly was a prayer'. But of course I didn't think of it at the time.

i never do.

Bollocks. fuck. Shit. Cunt. Motherfuckingbollockingarseyshittyfuckinglife.

Amen.