If I had a life, I wouldn't have a diary
2002-04-20 || 12:44 p.m.

My entry last night about capitalism had nothing to do with my current financial embarrassment.

After 'Father Ted' finished last night I was channel hopping and came across 'Back to the Floor' on BBC2.

(Don't you just wish that 'Father Ted' was reality and this was all just a crap TV programme?).

Anyway, I missed the first part of the programme but the series is about a manager going to spend a week with the workers to see what it is they are out of touch with. (All of it).

Last night it was the Hoover factory somewhere in Scotland. It was fucking heartbreaking. The manager guy was a real 'Tim nice but dim' and all he did was laugh at everything they said. Trouble was, he was so out of touch it didn't even seem that patronising. He asked one woman how long she had been working for Hoover and she said, "28 years". He then asked her if she liked her job. She replied, "not anymore, I used to". He asked why and she said, "because there is no job security and it is just a really bad atmosphere to work in".

He just laughed and then asked her to name one job where there was job security these days. She raised her eyebrows, looked him straight in the eye and said, "the policeforce". Then she shrugged and carried on working.

What really got to me was how nice they all were to him. I suppose there's lots of media manipulation going on here: they might be getting paid to be on the programme, there's probably an element of scripting and there's certainly a great deal of editing but even so ...

He sat down with them at their tea break and asked how long they got. They told him 10 minutes. I think this is criminal. They've been on a monotonous production line for hours, with a belt set 'for maximum efficiency' unable to change the speed and having to ask the toilet relief to step in if they need to visit the loo. They get 7 minutes for this. Great if you're having a heavy period. Its a bit demeaning to have everybody knowing your business. No privacy whatsoever. They then reminded him that a few months ago he sent a memo suggesting they didn't need a tea break if they wanted to be really efficient! He looked amazed and said he didn't remember. How insulting.

I could carry on and describe the whole programme but basically it was all like this. The forklifts were not the right ones for the aisles and so were breaching the Health and Safety laws (no surprise there). The woman working there offered to get the pallets down by climbing up and said she did that every day normally. He told her she was breaking the law - SHE was breaking the law!!

What really bogged me off was that it took the programme to get any of this changed. How many thousands of factories and offices are like this every day? Well, it would probably be easier to list the ones that don't contravene Health and Safety wouldn't it?

I feel like a piece of crap when I think about all the time I spend wallowing in self-pity because I don't have the things I want. At least in my job I get a good element of autonomy. I also have the verbal ability to justify anything. If I teach something that is tenuously linked (or not linked at all) to the National Curriculum, I know I can always twist what I have done and somehow say it fits some criteria somewhere. What I would really like to do is set myself up in business as a justify expert. You have a point you want to make - send it to me, I'll rephrase it for you. Where did I learn this skill? Well, believe it or not - school. My school did not teach me much but it sure taught me how to write a blinding essay. There's not much I can't justify by a key phrase here or there.

Sometimes the world upsets me so much that I just feel like the vacuum in the centre of a vortex. All around me is action and things happening and I am there but totally disconnected. Part of it but yet not part of it.

Its like the ultimate tease.