Minutia
2002-04-18 || 6:40 p.m.

Well. This is just a little taste of my life on a normal day. The minutia of stagnant boredom.

My alarm went off at 6.10am but I pushed the snooze button twice. That meant I eventually got up at 6.25am or thereabouts. Danny Baker was on the radio, talking about some trivia. He was playing TV themes and getting people to ring in with their favourite theme. If I had rung in (obviously phoning radio shows is not really what an inept socio-phobe like myself is ever likely to do) but in another dimension I would have rung in and said 'animal magic'. Fucking top theme. Shit programme. Oh well. Just like life!

I had a shower and had the fun of wondering why I can only get cold water at the moment despite the fact that the pilot light is firing up and I cannot see anything obviously wrong with my boiler. Any plumbers reading this? Send your comments. Especially if you're single (oh, and male) and preferably not of pensionable age.

Then I hard-boiled two eggs, prepared the fruit, made breakfast, fed the dog, made the egg sandwiches for the packed lunches, poured fruit juice, made tea and got Rebecca up. I put the lunches in our bags and then went upstairs and got dressed. What did I wear? Black tights (knickers that didn't break today), purple knee length skirt, black knee high boots, black vest and black wool cardigan with three-quarter length sleeves. Silver chain, beads (around neck and arm) watch (permanently at 7.30 because I can't afford a new watch battery), silver ear-rings (one in my right ear, four in my left - why? fucked if I know). Silver and purple navel ring, silver and amber ring, silver and amethyst ring, silver ring, silver celtic knot ring, silver and turquoise celtic ring, rune ring, and some ring with clear stones in. Oh and deodrant.

Then I checked I had all my stuff for science and walked to school. Halfway, I found I was walking behind my old history teacher who now teaches Rebecca. I hate that. Its really embarrassing when your children are taught by your old teachers, especially when you know you arsed around at school and they do too.

What I taught today:

Literacy: Some crappy poem called 'Mother Shipton's prophecies'. Really it was to show them how rhyming couplets work. I don't know if its just me being particularly pc but there were some reference to jews in it that bogged me off. Nothing in particular but this poem dates from 1488 and obviously things were different then. Anyway, I think its a bit like 1970's sitcom innuendo - it goes straight over the kids' heads. At least I hope it does. I'm torn between a worry about the insiduous nature of some racism and the fact that I read plenty of stuff that I would find offensive now when I was a kid and it didn't affect me. I mean Enid Blyton and her 'oh, he can't help being a cry baby - he's only a snivelling little foreigner' and such like. I can't remember noticing it at the time and I never said the same sort of stuff myself. Its just a worry that it lodges somewhere in your psyche - this notion of 'us' and 'them'. That there's any sort of norm that others depart from worries me. Especially when its this England thing. Some people really believe it and they don't even realise. That England is normal and everything else a deviant variant.

Numeracy: Bar graphs. They are finding it hard to read graphs that go up in anything other that ones.

Then it was lunch time. I ate my egg sandwich and then got my afternoon lessons ready. I was doing science and DT. I don't know what possessed me to timetable them together; I can only imagine that I thought it would be a good idea to get them both over with at the same time. Its not that I don't like them its just that they are so 'hands on' and require meticulous preparation.

In science we are doing solids and liquids and ... oh this is boring. That reminded me. Funny thing this week. Every other member of staff is convinced that those three dots are called an epaulette whereas they are actually an ellipse. What do I do? One of them might say it in front of a literacy specialist. Should I send them all anonymous notes in 'ransom' font or something or should I just let them get on with it! I'm so lexicologically anal.

DT was a riot. We are going to make story books with moving parts and this was our 'investigation lesson' where we looked at books they had brought in from home with pop-up parts. The less said about it the better.

After school I did my marking. I marked 32 geography books. 32 numeracy books. 32 pieces of bar chart homework. Then I tried to connect to the internet to get some poems for literacy tomorrow. Both computers froze. Major annoyance. The computers in my classroom are crap. One of them is convinced it has never known the printer.

What did I do that I shouldn't have done today? charged my phone up. Lied to Maria. She wanted me to take Year 6 to Kingswood but I said I couldn't get childcare. Probably I could have but Rebecca got very anxious when I mentioned it last night. Its all a bit silly. Helen is desperate to take them but Maria has said she is not going to ask Helen. I've no idea why.

What did Rebecca do that she shouldn't have done? Stole the fire escape sign from school. I said that the replacement would come out of the school fund money that all the parents have to pay. She said, 'yeah, but you never paid it.'

Then I got home. Its raining and the dog was filthy so I had to clean the floor. Then I had to empty the vacuum cleaner because it was blocked, then wash up, sort out white and coloured for the washing, hoovered, made a cup of tea, then the milkman knocked and I said that I couldn't pay him because I was broke and that was why I had cancelled the milk. He said it was better than the usual farcical excuses he hears. I told him to call again when I get paid.

What are we going to eat tonight? Beans in a chilli sauce and rice (oh and popodums).

What am I listening to at the moment? 'You're Dead' by the Alkaline Trio. Yes, Rebecca only allows her choice on Realjukebox.

Whats on my computer table? A grinch. A clanger that squeals. A red bear. A soupdragon that gurgles. A spaniel (not real). Bagpuss. A monkey. A photo of Billy. A microphone. An empty cup. Two blackcurrant beanbags.(!?). A desk tidy. A barbie head. A pig (not lifesize). Dust. A jelly pikachu. Pens and pencils. A coaster (not with the cup on it). A hole punch. A peg. Some highlighters. A purse (with no money) and a chicken that stamps. Don't ask.

Am I going now?

YES.