Salmonella!
2002-03-18 || 6:12 p.m.

Earlier on I had it all planned what I was going to write here today. At first I was going to write nothing at all ever again. Then I thought I would do something clever. I'm not going to say what, I may still save it for another day. Then I was just going to type, 'shit, just when you think things cannot get worse - think again - my motto is everything has the capacity to get infinitely worse, never assume you are at the bottom and can only go up.' It now looks as if I may have Salmonella (!), the test results will be through in two days. It would certainly explain why I've felt like shit the past week or so. Of course, if this diagnosis is correct it brings a whole plethora of problems with it: It's a notifiable disease (not many of them left these days!), the source has to be traced as do any other people who may have been affected. It's certainly not helping my imagination that 7 of my children were off sick from school today. Anyway, there I was wallowing in self-pity, and I had already planned out my final comments - 'I just can't take much more, really I can't.' And then fate intervened in the form of a really small action. Earlier on today I had been sitting in the staff room just talking generally about how I cannot fit things in. I felt really despondent. I didn't even have time to make a cup of tea (no, not the real stuff, they only have cow's milk at school, but hell even shitty fruit tea is something) I then was saying about how I had a meeting after school tonight but I also had shopping to get (fresh stuff) and I would just have to be late for the meeting as food is more important. Then I was saying about parents' evenings on Wednesday and Thursday and how hard it is to make notes on 30 children. I mean, every child is special and the parents want and expect you to know their child in a meaningful way and I don't think they should expect anything less from me. Anyway, Ann (my classroom assistant) then offered to do my shopping for me and bring it to my house later in the evening. As if this wasn't kind enough, when she turned up she had also bought me a bunch of flowers.