Holy shit
2002-02-15 || 5:32 p.m.

Well hell I wasn't going to go anywhere near the computer today but then I had a MAJOR fucking crisis. No really, we are talking totally awful. I went to do some work for next week and found I didn't have my maths folders. Holy shit. Now there are only a few options for what happened to them.

1. I have slept walked and thrown them away.

2. The dog ate them.

3. I left them in my classroom (I'm sure I didn't).

4. I left them in the hallway at school (possibly).

5. I left them outside the school in the playground (I hope not).

6. I left them in the street (God no).

Now this is worrying. This sort of thing keeps happening to me at the moment. I sort stuff out. Take it home only to find that I have left things behind. I don't realise. Why is this? I don't eat meat I don't suppose I can have BSE imploding brain problems. But then again, there is the possibility that BSE is caused by pesticides in which case, the amount of veg I eat my brain should be noticably imploding (is that possible?) Is noticably spelt right? How the hell should I know I'm only a teacher.

So what is the problem then? Well, it could be that I cannot cope with the amount of things that I have to do. I have lazed around totally this week, done nothing. Listened to CD's, vinyl, even watched Jerry Springer. Yesterday I didn't get up until 1pm and I went to bed the night before at 10.30pm - way too much sleep but what else is there in this life?

Normally I'm up at 5.30am, showered, dressed, fed, made packed lunches, made breakfast for Rebecca, fed dog, checked rabbits, walked dog, leave house by 7.15am. On bus, hopefully at school by 7.40am, then get lessons ready (nearly typed lesions then, now that would be more fun), write on board ... Oh God and on it goes. Basically I don't stop work until at least 6.00pm and then I have to bring work home - you know marking and stuff. The weekends are no better. I don't work Saturday but I sure as hell make up for it on Sunday I watch Hollyoaks (I know, sad but they are all so beautiful especially Adam and Brian but I know Brian is just about young enough to be my bitch goth boy son), then its work up until about 7.30pm. Then If I have any email to reply to I do it then, then I go to bed and the whole merry go round starts again.

No social life yet still I keep buying new clothes - why? I am a stupid cow that's why.

I think a change of subject is needed.

Anyway, as I said I wasn't going to come on the computer today. To tell you the truth I'm getting heartily sick of it. I actually watched TV last night, something I hardly ever do. I've even stopped watching Emmerdale which was a real wrench for me but seeing as the only two fanciable men had left (the lovely Carlos and the craggy Sean) there's truly no point anymore although Chris's cracks are pretty good. Well I watched this Horizon programme on parallel universes. Very scientific and VERY maths based but still interesting. Some physicist had this 'mad' idea (yeah, physicist and mad don't exactly go together do they) that the reason gravity is such a weak force is because it is leaking to/from our universe. Anyway to cut a long story short and because I don't want to show my ignorance, the reason is that gravity comes from other universe membranes and we are all bouncing and banging about together in lots of little bubbles. We are not unique - far from it. This is good. I don't want to be unique in my misery.

Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before.