My brain 'urts
2002-06-22 || 3:43 p.m.

I've got a migraine. Brought on by stress.

I have this woman who has been in my class one day a week since September training to be an Learning Support Assistant. If you do this course you have to secure a classroom place for yourself and she is a parent at the school at which I teach. She approached the school and I was asked if I would have her, as she is a troublemaker and no-one else would. Well, she's never caused me any trouble so I said 'yes'. She's been fine all year. Helpful in fact. Although sometimes a bit harsh with the kids. But I always used my old psychological tactic here - you know, the one where you say something and include the other person as if it is tacitly understood that they agree with you (when clearly you know they don't!). Its a good ploy and one I use a lot. So, when she's been horrible to kids that have a bad deal anyway, I will say things like, 'well of course, as adults, we understand why they act the way they do and make allowances accordingly'. When really I know she thinks I'm too soft and I should shout and fly off the handle and keep them all in for a week or something. I pretend that I know she feels the same as me - that positive and kind brings better results and anyway its just right, isn't it. Its wrong to be harsh and unkind and nag at children (even if it is tempting sometimes!). Anyway, I thought things had gone well.

Until yesterday.

Picture the scene. I'm having my ICT lesson monitored as part of our whole school evaluation because we know an inspection is looming. I'm pretty nervous although I think I teach ICT pretty well. I'm trying to get the kids interested in the artwork of Kandinsky and Mondrian because we are going to design some pictures in this style and then use the computer to draw our designs. When SHE appears.

"You got my forms" she barks.

I have to admit I became annoyingly patronising at this point and smiled my special 'I'm going to speak to you in words of one syllable' smile.

"As you can see, I'm teaching at the moment. I will get them at the end of the day". I replied in an extremely irritating manner.

"Well I need them now", she persists. (She has that ability to cast an evil feel wherever she goes, this dialogue does not really do that justice).

Me, once again, slowly and with a smile. "Miss Nicholls is in here with me, I'm really rather busy, I'll talk to you later".

"Oh, thanks - for nothing", she snarls.

Me and Kylie stare at one another open mouthed.

Thanks for nothing. Thanks for all the weeks I spent in your classroom. Thanks for making me endless cups of tea, the cups of which I left on your filing cabinet. Thanks for always asking me what I needed to do, for letting me work with as many children as possible, for photocopying worksheets and examples of work for me.

Oh and here's one from me - thanks for the fact I'm going to have one of your kids in my class next year - fucking thanks.

No, I'm not bitter I just feel like I'm going to vomit. I couldn't catch the migraine in time.

I was then summoned to see Maria over it. I have to say, she was very good and supportive of me. But then again, there was no reason not to be. I never get into fights or verbal arguments. I'm so fucking reasonable it sucks. Maria explained to me about Fran's home situation. How could I be anything but understanding? A husband who is unkind and cruel. Who asks when she is going to get a 'proper' job.

Ooh, ring any bells?

So yes, I can understand why she was freaking out over her forms. Everyone deals with stress in different ways. I turn it inwards, probably this is far more destructive than other ways.

So that's how I got this latest migraine. The third in 18 months. Before that, I hadn't had one for over ten years. Teaching is a dangerous occupation.