things return to an damned equilibrium
2004-04-01 || 9:23 p.m.

Everything is so sad. Everything makes me cry. Everything shows me over and over again how nothing I am, how lacking I am, how empty and worthless I am. I think again and again how Jesus must be a metaphor because I wish and I wish and I wish that I could die to make everything ok for everyone else. And then I know its ridiculous and pathetic because nothing means nothing at all and there's just no meaning to any of it. And once you get that, you maybe don't get nirvana but you get the peace of nothing at all. But it still hurts and still the ideas race round and round in my head, stupid thoughts about nothing at all. And I still wonder why we think there must be a meaning somewhere if really there is nothing at all.

Its all so damn fucking odd.

And yes, two entries in one day, but whoever can still be bothered to come here will be glad to know I don't think a writing return is on the cards.

Not really. Not likely.