i want to understand
2003-08-23 || 11:28 a.m.

aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhh!!!

That's better.

Yes, you guessed it - Alain's been round. So we have tea bags in the sink despite the fact I have a nice little Staffordshire Chefware pot right next to the kettle in which to deposit used tea bags. The TV is on the cricket. He said my dog should be put down because he has three legs and smells of fish.

Oh God, if I didn't like men, I'd hate them.

So yesterday I finally opened four months' worth of post. I've had this problem. I couldn't open the post. A bit like not being able to read a book. It's all stupid and dumb but that's no surprise. Maybe its part of being depressed, I don't know. I just cannot do certain things. In fact I started to read a book but I got so upset at it, so upset at it having real people in it with relationships and lives that I threw it in the wheelie bin.

I'm going to walk my dog, go and buy some guinea pig food and then do my accounts.

God doesn't love me. My polyphonic spree CD doesn't play.

I had another odd dream last night. I had another child. I called him my angel. We lived near the sea and had to walk up a cliff to get home. Every time I looked at him I was just so overcome with how much I loved him.