realisation drowns everything
2003-08-14 || 11:29 a.m.

And so the dead one wakes and walks the earth for another day.

I dread my future, truly I do.

And we all stand motionless within motion. We are all at the centre of every story. It is like our many lives are a ball and we stand on it as it rolls: the part we experience depends upon where we stand but the ball remains the same.

Our fundamental personal truth remains the same.

And I understand the truth of me and that is why I dread my future.

The long unloved, uncaressed, uncared for always-alone days stretch out endlessly. It doesn't matter which direction I face, the view is the same. You could almost say it was perfect in its isolation. Not a sound, a soul, an object to break the clear lines.

No-one around forever.

Hell only exists on earth. I guarantee it. We have it the wrong way round. The spiritual is living, the physical is death.

And so I dread my future because I will always be me and it hurts more than I can ever say to be unloveable. And so all the love and feelings I have I need to give away because I just cannot allow myself to be human in any way because you cannot be human alone.