spin into the endlessness of black
2003-07-29 || 8:47 p.m.

I have these strange memories that seem to belong to other times and place. Once I was a man and I was horrible. I ended up stoned to death. It hurt. The pain just kept coming until eventually I was no longer that person. I looked down on myself and I had no feelings for me whatsoever. I was just a piece of skin, it had nothing to do with me. I was light and free and the true essence of me was this golden ball of light, like a sphere containing everything that ever could be. I was able to move at great speeds without feeling in the least bit dizzy.

Now I am spinning again but this time I am a dingy grey colour and I'm spinning towards that day when I follow the blue lines.

When I died and I felt totally dispassionate what I didn't realise was that this is the ultimate human truth. The universe feels just as dispassionate towards me.

I mean nothing. That's the truth of life.