as I climb into an empty bed
2003-06-18 || 7:16 a.m.

I'm a bit tired of not being able to get onto my two non-gold diaries.

This entry should go in my dream diary but oh well, it will have to go here before I forget it.

I had lots of dreams last night but I cannot remember most of them. All I remember is I was sitting on a sofa which was outside in someone's front garden. On the sofa was Barry and someone else. The other person left which just left me and Barry sitting there. He looked the same as he did when he was alive, he didn't look like he did in that dream when he came to visit me after he died. I leaned up against him. I wanted to be close to someone. He turned around and kissed me. It didn't feel right but I thought that I would have sex with him anyway just because. I got up and when I turned around he had taken his trousers off but then a couple turned up in the front garden asking some stupid question, I can't remember what it was now and because of their interruption, things never went any further and I was glad.

I find the dream spooky because I'm scared about why I would have dreamed of having sex with someone who is, in reality, dead. Does this mean I am going to die? Does it mean I will never find any love and affection of that kind in this life?

Oh shit.