shoot me
2003-06-18 || 7:19 p.m.

There's no point to this. There's no-one to listen. I'm alone for ever in every way. I have to just try to be good, good, good and eradicate every trace of me. Despite the vastness and timelessness of the universe there is no place for me. If there were, there would be a place for me in my day to day life. I have to become so invisible that my pain disappears and I feel nothing at all. This hurts, this twisted stupid mind of mine hurts and although I'm sure I deserve it, I don't like it. I have a strange feeling inside my head as if someone is stretching my brain to breaking point. I wonder what it is like to be human. When I observe the way other people interact, no-one interacts with me the same way they interact with each other. Its like they somehow have a key that I don't. I am a total non-person and the oddest thing is that it hurts to be a non-person.

I have no friends. I could list all the areas in which I'm lacking but it would be very boring and very long.

I just wish I was in some way loveable. I wish I had a soul. I wish I had the courage to go now. I wish I knew how to live.

I wish I didn't hate myself.