dreams
2003-05-28 || 10:27 a.m.

Eurgh, lots of old shit to deal with.

Fucking solicitors' letters, house valuations, finding payslips, dealing with lies and half-truths, doubting yourself, feeling a failure.

Fun!

And not even any light at the end of the tunnel. It's really rather crushing.

Every night I will say aloud 'let me have all the pain and misery; take it away from everyone else, most especially people I care about who are suffering'.

I know who I want to give my happiness and hope to.

Maybe, just maybe there are reasons for things and if so, maybe, just maybe I can manipulate them for others. To help them. Maybe speaking aloud can help somehow.

Maybe I could travel with a companion who understands. Maybe I could lie on the ground, looking at the stars. Maybe I could swim naked in the sea, lay on the beach, taste the salt. Maybe I could kiss someone, smile at them, make them laugh, make them happy. Maybe somewhere, for someone, dreams will come true.