each note sounds so pure it just cuts into me
2003-05-21 || 5:10 p.m.

This life hangs heavy on me. I hope to find it is all just imaginings. Somewhere are other places, other happenings, somewhere things are how they should be. I can't understand what life is. How does anyone know anything is alive? I have this strange 'Alice' thing with clocks. I cannot tell the time. And when I look at a clock and I'm trying to remember how to tell the time and I'm trying to decode it, I know just how it feels to not feel alive. Its like everyday I have to try to remember how to be alive, I have to try to decode it and act it. And I'm so aware that I am a mere shell. I'm not real. I'm not human. I have a headache with the pain of living. I'm going to lie down, close my eyes and go somewhere else.