i am the beast that will devour you
2003-04-23 || 9:17 p.m.

I am just wicked, inherently evil all the way through. It's really hard to cope with being like this. It's difficult to do things like look around the house, look at the dog, the rabbits, knowing what I am and how they don't deserve to be anywhere near me. Rebecca went out with Alain tonight and said that he said he sits and eats in restaurants on his own. That is just so sad. I am so fucking horrifically awful. I am so sad to be like this. I wish I wasn't so empty and awful. I hate it when the blackness comes because it brings such aching sadness with it. I can hardly bear it. Everything hurts so and I can't understand why. I want to fulfill every awful prophecy ever. I want to hurt and hurt and hurt some more. And I don't want anyone else to ever feel like this. Shit, I'm awful.