I'm a weirdo
2003-02-24 || 9:22 a.m.

I've got that stupid 'something's going to happen' feeling. It's extremely stupid in my case because nothing ever happens.

I thought I'd cracked the reading thing but it's gone sort of strange again. I cannot finish a book. I can read it most of the way through but then I just come to a complete halt. My African book has got about two chapters to go but I just cannot pick it up. Its becoming a strange shape because it's been in the same position over the arm of the chair for over a week now. But I just can't touch it.

God everything in my head feels weird. It's like I'm a small pinprick point and my body is the size of a room. It's the moment just before you dislocate. It's hard to explain if you've never done it, but it's like you spin backwards but you don't spin at all. No, you sort of draw backwards that would be a better way of describing it and there's this cement type feeling throughout your body and your head feels like it is being sucked. It's like an emotional paralysis.

And I'm a freak.