and all I want is to be loved - just like everybody else does
2003-01-29 || 6:20 p.m.

oh fanfuckingtastic, there I am at a staff meeting, meanwhile, unbeknown to me, Alain is in my house: Changing the home page on my computer and reading my diary - on my computer. Call me pedantic but couldn't he at least have the good grace to invade my privacy at least on a different computer?

I feel fucking cyber violated.

Yet again.

I let myself in after the meeting and I thought, 'that's strange - the heating's on'. Then I thought, 'gosh, that's even more strange, the paper has been picked up'. I even thought, wildly, that maybe the dog had worked out how to pick up the paper. Yes, honestly.

Fucking stupid cow that I am.

It wasn't until I saw that apparently I had been reading my diary, on my computer, when I was actually a couple of miles away, that I twigged.

Alain.

This morning I was very nearly sick. In the staff room some bright spark said 'you're not pregnant are you?'. I replied that it wasn't very likely seeing as I don't have sex. Cathy said something about that needing to be changed and I just mumbled that it was fine and who'd want to go out with me anyway. Helen then chipped in that she had been thinking who would she fancy at school if she were a lesbian and she said she would fancy me.

Haha.

So there you go. Only girls fancy me and I only fancy guys who are gay.

Oh god, the universe is just so great. I fucking love it.