saturday
2003-01-05 || 11:12 a.m.

Still ill and feeling very sick indeed. I thought I would write a bit about what happened yesterday to sort of balance out my strange, floaty entries.

Alain came round. It was a, god what's the word, disconcerting experience. He got out a cigarette and said 'do you mind' and GUESS WHAT! I actually said, 'well yes, I do as it happens, my chest is really bad...' so he went outside. Mind you, it didn't last. He shot back inside saying it was far too cold to smoke outside 'well don't fucking well smoke at all then' I was thinking but I didn't say anything. He was in one of those moods where it could go either way. I'm pretty expert on them. He then started swaggering around the house going on about someone he was going to make threatening phone calls to. Can you believe I ever lived with this person? I can't. But he didn't used to be like this, he really didn't. He was trying to justify it by saying what they had 'done' to him. I said maybe he should just stop it at his end and not retaliate. I think he truly thinks I am mad. He then started saying his 'phone was 'manky'. I said what did he mean. His reply: it's a girl's phone!

So girl=manky.

Great.

Not that I didn't already know that.

He scares me a great deal, that's all i can say.

In the evening I took five teenagers out to a gig at a pub: two girls (Bex and Elly) and three boys. The boys are a year older but the girls are way more mature at the moment. The boys kept jumping around the place on their stools and hitting each other. There was one funny moment when I said in my loud special teacher voice 'Look boys, please stop this or I'll have to tell your father... well I don't know who your father is, but if I ever find him I'll tell him'. A whole table of another family just stared at me with their mouths hanging open. So that amused me.

I told them about my up and coming date and asked if any of them had been on a date before. Stuart had. So I pressed him for information. He told me that he might try to hold my hand and that a kiss is usually given at the end but in his words 'not, like a REAL proper kiss, you know'. And then Fraser made the moment for me by adding 'or you could just fuck him on the first date'.

So that's me sorted then.