Haunted by you
2002-12-20 || 5:00 p.m.

I'm sorry. All I ever do here is write entries that make fun of other people, going for a cheap laugh. Or else I try to write as if I am really interesting, witty, intelligent and attractive.

Of course the reality is that I'm none of those things. I'm actually sad, silly and given a wide berth by any sensible people.

The truth is that I try really hard to be a well adjusted person around the children because I genuinely want them to grow up to be kind, caring, considerate, confident people. I want them to be the things that I am not. I want them to be able to form relationships. I don't want them to struggle to make friends. To be so lacking in self-esteem that they won't invite anyone out in case they say 'no'. To be so aloof and distant that two people (when you work with less than ten!) can have a massive argument and they don't even notice until someone points it out two days later. I want them to have someone to put their arms around. Someone who would hold them and love them, not hate them and shout at them and chase them through the house.

Anyone for Christmas spirit?

But that's the point really. I want to be kind to people, always, because being hurt and hurting is really horrible.