I'm not sure what happiness means
2002-11-14 || 6:16 p.m.

I saw a headline tonight on a magazine that made me wish to buy it: Gadget saved my sex life!

Haha I thought, 'gadget is my sex life'.

At least it would be if I had one.

I stick to my theory that everything has an infinite capacity to get worse.

Today I have been receiving abusive text messages from Alain at times when he knows I am teaching.

I feel very provoked but I refuse to behave in the same manner.

I just won't.

My financial problems just get worse and worse and I know that money is just not important. I know I have a beautiful daughter who I love and who loves me back. I know I have some friends who care about me.

But poverty makes everything just so difficult.

And I know I don't really live in poverty. I know I have a roof over my head, food to eat, heating, a bed, clothes etc.

But what do these things matter without someone to hold me.

That's all I want and that wanting consumes me and makes me feel so, so selfish.

Because I know I have no right to wish, even for a second, for someone to like me.

So let's change the subject.

Anyone have any deck chairs?

My sofa will be gone soon.

Haha. great.