blah de blah
2002-09-27 || 8:36 p.m.

Things are not good.

I sort of instigated a prayer boycott and Maria confronted me about it today. I hate confrontation. I didn't know what to say. I didn't like to say it was because I think she is a hypocrite because what right have I got to make statements about her spiritual status. I don't know what she thinks. All I see is her words and actions do not match up.

When I got home I found Alain had been round and taken stuff and left a bill on the kitchen unit. Yet another arrear for me to pay. Financial worry is crushing me at present.

I was a bitch to Rebecca. She is in trouble at school for her attitude. Quite frankly if I had been made to do textiles for three years with no art and I had her talent I'd have a fucking attitude too. But all I did was have a go at her and say because of her attitude they are not going to put themselves out to accommodate her, which whilst true, it was not necessary to articulate.

I don't know what to do about this demo tomorrow. I so want to go but I have so many others things that are greater priorities. The rabbits need cleaning out, the house needs cleaning, I need to open the post I've been avoiding and finally see exactly what financial trouble I really am in. I then need to go to the bank and pay some bills if possible. I need to be kind to my daughter.

I just cannot see the point in any of this. I know I'm not alone in that. I don't have the monopoly on crap life status. But I wish that I did.

There are so many things about myself that I need to improve. I have NO right to criticise Maria. I should very definitely take the plank from my own eye first.

Today we were doing homophones and I had put a few on the board to start us off like 'made' and 'maid' etc. George put his hand up and said 'pea'. I said 'give me two sentences with your words in'. He said, 'I have a pea on my plate' and 'I need a pee'. So I wrote it on the board. I told him that it was slang but if it helped him to remember what a homonym was I had absolutely no objection. Funny thing was, the hearing woman came to hear one of my children with a hearing problem, she wanted to see me, so Maria came and took my class and there, on my board, it said, 'pea' and 'pee' and 'we' and 'wee'!

Its no wonder she looks down her nose at me. But where's the harm, eh?

We ended the day playing the White Stripes. I sent them all home hyper.

My mission will one day be accomplished. A whole race of goth mini me's.